Wholistic Visual Cues When Reading

Wholistic Visual Cues When Reading To what extent do we use wholistic visual cues when reading? Researchers have proposed that individuals use the outline shape of a word, meaning wholistic visual cues, in visual word recognition in reading. Various methods have been used to investigate reading in individuals with differing reading abilities. The reading abilities of young children and individuals with dyslexia have been studied to determine how this deviates from normally reading adults. The majority of research found the use of wholistic visual cues is most beneficial to individuals with dyslexia (Perea Panadero, 2013) and those in the early stages of learning to read (Ehri, 1995). However, disparity between the research conclusions exist, proposing that wholistic visual cues are used in conjunction with other recognition processes. The holistically biased hybrid model (Allen, Wallace Weber, 1995) and the process model (Besner Johnston, 1989) both provide theories for word recognition. The holistically biased hybrid model uses either an addressed or an assembled pathway to process words, with the addressed pathway being dominant in normal reading (Allen et al., 1995). This model accounts for both word frequency and provides an explanation for reading behaviours when presented with a mixed case paradigm, supporting the use of wholistic visual cues in reading (Allen et al., 1995). Alternatively, the process model recognises words using either a familiarity assessment, letter analysis or multi-letter identification (Besner Johnston, 1989) and rejects the use of wholistic visual cues. The interactive activation model uses similar analytical methods as the process model (McClelland and Rumelhart, 1981), whereby numerous variables of the word are processed for recognition. The different uses of visual cues was dete rmined by Paap, Newsome and Noel (1984) who concluded that wholistic visual cues are used in the initial stages of word recognition and this is then followed by abstract letter identification. Evidence for both of these models have been found and provide evidence for and against the use of wholistic visual cues using a variety of research methods. A method used to research the importance of word shape in reading is that of the cloze test, whereby participants must anticipate the upcoming word. Haber, Haber and Furlin (1983) tested adult reading using cues including word length, envelope shape or providing the following word. They found that participants used the shape envelope to recognise the target word. The cue provided word length information which decreased the number of alternative applicable words. However, the wholistic visual cues did not provide semantic cues, suggesting that other methods of word recognition are required in conjunction with wholistic visual cues. Mirman and Magnuson (2008) discovered that words which are semantically similar increase reaction times in visual word recognition. These pieces of research support the interactive activation model because it requires the processing of several aspects of the word in parallel, including semantics (McClelland Rumelhart, 1983). Fisher and Murray (1987) replic ated Haber et al.’s (1983) research using children as their participants. No age difference was discovered in the use of wholistic visual cues between the ages of 10 to 13 years old. However, Johnston, Anderson and Duncan (1991) determined that at 8 years old salient external features improved reading accuracy which was not seen at the age of ten. This research therefore suggests that wholistic visual cues may be used more in reading behaviours when improving reading ability. Naming tasks have been particularly important in researching developing reading abilities. Webb, Beech, Mayall and Andrews (2006) studied the effects of concealing either the inner or outer sections of words for children. The outer sections of a word elicited more accurate reading ability, whereas inner visual information of words had no influence on the individual’s reading behaviours even when accounting for frequency effects. Increased performance when presented with the outer sections of words as opposed to the inner sections was also evidenced by Beech and Mayall (2005). This concluded that individuals process word shape envelopes in visual word recognition, suggesting that wholistic visual cues may play a role in the initial stages of the interactive activation model (Webb et al., 2006). It is also possible to explain the findings using Gestalt theory, proposing that individuals form connections between the outer sections of words in order to make up for the missing word sections (Beech Mayall, 2005). The Gestalt theory provides evidence for the use of wholistic visual cues and it is evident when researching the effects of presenting other sections of words. This was then analysed further by presenting only the upper section of words to normally reading adults. Perea, Comesana and Soares (2012) determined an improved reaction time when upper sections of words were presented. However, this did not apply to pseudo-words, implying that the word must be known in order to have the desired effect. The decreased reaction time indicates that upper sections of words have more salient cues than lower sections of words, meaning they are more representative of the target word. These pieces of research therefore emphasise the importance of wholistic visual cues in visual word recognition, however research by Pelli, Farell and Moore (2003) contrasted these conclusions. The researchers determined that individuals focus on minor cues in words and collate these for an overall representation of the word, contrasting the evidence of using wholistic visual cues when reading. Further information other than word shape envelopes must therefore be known in orde r to accurately process the given word. An alternative way in which the use of wholistic visual cues has been researched is that of using a mixed case paradigm, presenting an array of uppercase and lowercase letters to participants (Coltheart Freeman, 1974). Presenting words in a mixed case format increased reaction times as well as reducing the recognition of the word, providing evidence for the importance of wholistic visual cues and contradicting the interactive activation model (Coltheart Freeman, 1974). However, the mixed case paradigm had no influence on the identification of individual letters in this case, supporting the interactive activation model and opposing the use of wholistic visual cues. Besner and Johnston (1989) also found pseudo-words in a mixed case format to be detrimental to reading ability. This therefore demonstrates the need for the word shape envelope and rejects the interactive activation model due to the reduced reading ability. Allen et al. (1995) used a lexical decision task to compare the r eading of lower and mixed cases when given a time constraint on processing. The experiments concluded an increased reaction time for pseudo-words in a mixed case format, indicating the importance of wholistic visual cues in word recognition. Participants struggled to accept or reject pseudo-words presented for 400ms, representing the processing limitations during short exposure periods. This research is in line with Allen et al.’s (1995) holistically biased hybrid model but contrasts the analytical models, including the process model. The research carried out by Allen et al. (1995) indicates that for the successful completion of lexical decision tasks wholistic visual cues are necessary, meaning that reading methods may adapt to the task’s requirements. This provides an explanation for the great degree of variation seen in the research into the use of wholistic visual cues and shows the high level of validity of this method due to the replicability of the findings. Further research has led to the suggestion that wholistic visual cues may only be used in circumstances where normal reading behaviour is inhibited. This was recently demonstrated by Perea and Panadero (2013) using a lexical decision task to analyse reading behaviours for adults, children and children with developmental dyslexia. There was no effect on the reaction times for word recognition when pseudo-words were presented as having the same shape as real words for adults and children. However, those with developmental dyslexia were found to be affected by the word shape of pseudo-words (Perea Panadero, 2013), reflecting how wholistic visual cues are used to a different extent. This indicates the use of more analytical processing methods in normal reading. Lavidor (2011) also found word shape envelopes to be beneficial to individuals with dyslexia. These pieces of research suggest that children and those with dyslexia fixate on particularly salient cues in order to reliably process words (Ehri Wilce, 1985). This again dismisses the word shape hypothesis and provides further evidence for the importance of the interactive activation model (McClelland Rumelhart, 1981) during normal reading due to the use of feature analysis. These studies highlight the requirement for top-down processing in normal reading behaviours compared to dyslexia, as the interactive activation model (McClelland Rumelhart, 1981) requires the processing of multiple factors in word recognition. Cognitive processing, including top-down processing, is a vital part of visual word recognition. Research carried out by Yates (2013) provides further evidence with clustering effects that word shape alone has limited influence on normal reading behaviour. If a set of words only differ by a phoneme then word recognition requires a higher level of activation and is processed more slowly (Yates, 2013). This infers that the use of a word’s shape envelope is influenced by cognitive processing ability. Cognitive processing can again be seen by analysing parafoveal vision. When monitoring eye movements McConkie and Zola (1979) discovered normally reading adults do not detect any changes to manipulations of word shape in parafoveal vision. Contrasting evidence by Haber, Haber, Furlin, Paap, Newsome and Noel (1984) determined that when proofreading, participants remained unaware of changes to words unless the word shape envelope was manipulated. An alternative explanation for the lack of evidence for the word shape hypothesis may be that the use of wholistic cues becoming automated (Webb et al., 2006). Research has proven the importance of the word shape envelope for young readers and dyslexics, however it has not been consistently reported in adults. If word shape is processed in a more automated manner the individual’s cognitive load would be significantly reduced (Webb et al., 2006). This reduction would allow other, more efficient, reading behaviours to occur. These pieces of research led to the conclusion that wholistic visual cues are important in visual word recognition, however as an individual matures their reading behaviours may be modified. Previous research has found that individual’s reading methods change as their reading ability improves. Children initially use wholistic visual cues and then potentially develop more effective reading methods (Perea Panadero, 2013). Research by Seymour and Eldre (1986) determined that in order to read children have to be specifically taught to read each of these words, meaning they are unable to determine the phonological information of a word and as such rely on wholistic visual cues (Webb et al., 2006). This was also supported was Ehri (1995) who described stages in children’s visual word recognition. When children learn to read they engage in sight word reading or logographic reading, meaning that the word is read through memory retrieval. As children’s reading ability develops they learn the relationship of phonemes and graphemes and are thus able to apply this to more complex words in the consolidated alphabetic stage (Ehri, 1995). Research using children i s therefore of great advantage when focusing on adult reading. The conclusion has been reached that as children develop their reading ability they refine their use of wholistic visual cues. Thus as visual word recognition becomes more refined individuals use other recognition strategies in parallel with wholistic visual cues. Research into the use of wholistic visual cues has shown that adults do not necessarily use wholistic visual cues. However, evidence has shown that children and individuals with developmental dyslexia use these cues to a great extent. This difference may occur due to the processing of wholistic visual cues becoming more automated as reading develops. Alternatively, the varying use of wholistic cues may be explained by the demands of the task, as shown by lexical decision tasks (Allen et al., 1995). For this reason wholistic visual cues provide a more accurate account of visual word recognition when taken in conjunction with analytical models, such as the interactive activation model and the process model. References Allen, P. A., Wallace, B., Weber, T. A. (1995). Influence of case type, word frequency, and exposure duration on visual word recognition. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, 21(4), 914-934. Beech, J. R., Mayall, K. A. (2005). The word shape hypothesis re-examined: Evidence for an external feature advantage in visual word recognition. Journal of Research in Reading, 28(3), 302-319. Besner Johnston (1989) Beech M Coltheart Freeman (1974) Allen Ehri, L. C. (1995). Phases of development in learning to read words by sight. Journal of Research in Reading, 18(2), 116-125. Ehri Wilce (1985) Lavidor Fisher Murray (1987) Webb Haber, L. R., Haber, R. N., Furlin, K. R. (1983). Word length and word shape as sources of information in reading. Reading Research Quarterly, 18(2), 165-189. Haber, Haber, Furlin, Paap, Newsome Noel (1984) Beech Mayall Johnston, Anderson Duncan (1991) Beech M Lavidor, M. (2011). Whole-word shape effect in dyslexia. Journal of Research in Reading, 34(4), 443-454. McClelland and Rumelhart (1981) McConkie, G. W., Zola, D. (1979). Is visual information integrated across successive fixations in reading? Perception and Psychophysics, 25(3), 221-224. Mirman Magnuson (2008) yates Seymoure Eldre (1986) Webb Paap, K. R., Newsome, S. L., Noel, R. W. (1984). Word shape’s in poor shape for the race to the lexicon. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Human Perception and Performance, 10(3), 413-428. Pelli, D. G., Farell, B., Moore, D. C. (2003). The remarkable inefficiency of word recognition. Nature, 423, 752-756. Perea, M., Comesana, M., Soares, A. P. (2012). Does the advantage of the upper part of words occur at the lexical level? Memory and Cognition, 40, 1257-1265. Perea, M., Panadero, V. (2013). Does viotin activate violin more than viocin? On the use of visual cues during visual-word recognition. Experimental Psychology, 61(1), 23-29. Webb, T. M., Beech, J. R., Mayall, K. M., Andrews, A. S. (2006). It’s what’s on the outside that matters: An advantage for external features in children’s word recognition. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology, 94, 163-181. Yates, M. (2013). How the clustering of phonological neighbours affects visual word recognition. Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory and Cognition, 39(5), 1649-1656.

Being a Vegetarian Essay -- Argumentative Persuasive Food Health Essay

Being a Vegetarian "Animals are my friends and I don't eat my friends." -George Bernard Shaw Vegetarianism used to be an unusual lifestyle choice. Today it is becoming more common and accepted by mainstream society. While there are many reasons for choosing a vegetarian diet, the most important are health reasons, environmental and economic reasons, and, above all, ethical reasons. Health reasons alone are sufficient grounds for becoming a vegetarian. Research has shown that we do not require meat in our diets and that it is actually healthier to avoid meat. Meat is high in saturated fats which are known to cause clogged arteries Cultures that consume less meat than North America have much lower cholesterol and lower rates of heart disease. For example, Japan used to have a lower incidence of heart disease, as well as cancer, before meat consumption increased. There is also reason to believe that humans have naturally evolved to be herbivores, rather than carnivores. Human teeth resemble the teeth of other herbivores, and human intestinal tracts are long, unlike the short intestines found in carnivores. What is natural is usually healthier, and people who become vegetarians frequently report a feeling of increased energy and well being. There are also environmental and economic reasons for becoming vegetarian. Some people are not aware of these reasons, but a lot of environmental destruction is linked to meat production, especially cattle farming. Huge areas of f...

Driving that Train, High on :: Short Stories Drugs Addiction Papers

Driving that Train, High on. . . "If I could do one line today and not be an addict, I would,'" Melissa said when she was sober and knew she could not handle cocaine. But when she was face to face with the candy for the first time in almost a year, she didn't care whether or not she would become an addict again. Knowing the devastation the drug would cause, knowing one line would bring back all the pain again, she still wanted it more than her education, more than her family, she would have given everything for it, all over again. Sitting at the table, hair pulled back in a pony tail, dressed in a sweater and chinos, (she had really cleaned herself up from a year ago) Melissa drank her beer as if it were going out of style. Watching her friend exchange money for a bag, she had to ask "Can I have a line?" "Melissa, I know you want one, but can you do one and not get hooked on it again?" "Yeah, sure." "I don't want to be the one who gets you all fucked up." "If I couldn't handle it I would tell you, I swear." Melissa walked back to the party, now anxious, and took a seat in her chair. This time she wasn't worried about drinking her beer. The only thing she now thought about was getting that line. She kept him in her sight, the way parents keep an eye on their young children to make sure they don't take off somewhere. If he left, she wouldn't get a line. She wanted that line. "Just one, it won't do anything." "I will in a second, wait until we get back to your house." "It's safe here, no one cares, let's go in the bathroom, no one will know." "Just wait, Melissa." She walked away again. She didn't realize it but she went up to him every five minutes for the rest of the night. "Can I have a line?" "Can I have that line?" "Can I have that line now?" Before she knew it everyone was in the back room, snorting coke. No one would give her a line. She got pissed off and snuck out the sliding glass door.

The Sound and the Fury :: Essays Papers

About The Sound and the Fury The Sound and the Fury, published in October of 1929, was Faulkner's fourth novel, and clearly his first work of genius. Now considered to be one of the strongest American contributions to the fiction of high modernism, it has generated countless critical interpretations. In writing the novel, Faulkner experienced a creative absorption and passion that he was never to forget. He said of â€Å"The Sound and the Fury†, "It's the book I feel tenderest towards. I couldn't leave it alone, and I never could tell it right, though I tried hard and would like to try again, though I'd probably fail again." The novel tells the story, from four different perspectives, of the disintegration of a Southern family. The father is unfriendly and passive, and though he clearly loves his children, he drinks himself to death. The invalid mother has no love for her children and continuously demands that she herself be taken care of. Benjy, the mentally retarded son of whom his mother is ashamed, is castrated after he begins to exhibit sexual behavior. Quentin, the troubled and romantic son, goes off to Harvard to fulfill his mother's lifelong wish and commits suicide there. Caddy, the only daughter, becomes pregnant while still a teenager and quickly marries a man who turns her out of the house when he discovers that their child is not his. Caddy is described as â€Å"loose† by many readers of the novel. Jason, the mother's favorite, loses his chance at a well-paying job when Caddy's marriage fails and he is reduced to supporting the family by working in a general store. Caddy's daughter, n amed after her brother Quentin, is brought up in the unhappy Compson household although everyone is forbidden to speak her mother's name. Quentin has her revenge upon her Uncle Jason when she steals the $7000 he has gathered by embezzling it from his mother and from funds sent to Quentin by Caddy. The family is supposed to be supported and cared for by a lazy family of black servants, led and held together by the matriarch Dilsey (the only good person I found in the book). Because of its experimental style, â€Å"The Sound and the Fury† presents a challenge for readers.

Destin Brass Products Co. Case Study

Destin Brass Products Co. has been established and grown to bring forth valves ( 24 % of the company gross ) , pumps ( 55 % of the company gross ) , and flow accountants ( 21 % of the company gross ) . This paper will exemplify the recommended solutions for the direction of the company that are seeking to measure the competitory tendencies of the market for the mentioned merchandises, and seeking to get down new schemes to cover with these tendencies. Finance and accounting, as mentioned by Ambler ( 2008 ) are the necessities and footing to the short and long being of any type of companies. The high fight of market requires that all types of concerns have a comprehensive apprehension to the costs and net incomes in much item in order to ease determination doing procedure. In Destin Brass instance, the company tried to set up a high trade name name for bring forthing the valves, but subsequently as an enlargement to the concern, the company included two new merchandise lines which are the pumps and the flow accountants maintaining in head the similarities of productions and the handiness of the productions capacity. Destin Brass did non hold a distinguished rival in the valves market because of the high quality of the valves produced, but there is a monolithic competition in the pump and flow accountants market. This paper will capture a clip of the company concern where there is a high competition on the pumps ‘ monetary values and the solution of increasing the monetary values of the flow accountants did non alter the market. The direction is in demand to reconsider its fiscal scheme in order to face competition.The fiscal analysisAfter measuring the current fiscal state of affairs of Destin Brass, The analysis hereby will join forces to reply the direction inquiries, and illustrations of the below solutions had been used by concern and it proved to hold an influence of determination devising procedure sing the company scheme. The solutions are as follow s:Merchandise costs as per the ABC informationFrom the given information in the instance survey, there is a connexion between the merchandises costs and the costs incurred by the activities related to the productions of each merchandise line. The reply to this issue is to fix cost estimations for the three merchandises by using the necessities of the activity based costing, table 1 shows that the ABC costs of the valves is 37.8, the pumps is 48.82, and the flow accountants is $ 100.63. The ABC method attempts to link the indirect costs to the merchandises, and accordingly handle them as direct costs. Based on the instance analyze fiscal information, the computations in table 1 have been prepared by utilizing the followers: Making a cost pool for the machine depreciation and care cost, and apportion the merchandises based on machine hours. Making a cost pool for having and material handling costs by ciphering the figure of minutess consumed for every merchandise. Making a cost pool for technology costs by ciphering how much technology is consumed by each merchandise.Comparing the ABC with the criterion and the revised unit costsIn this comparing, it will look the cost of each merchandise under the three types of bing computation methods and the ground why they are different. Table 2 shows the comparing. The three bing methods dainty direct costs which are run labour and stuff, in the same manner. Furthermore, fiscal experts support the thought that direct costs is non the existent job as this can be tracked to the merchandise, but the issue is that bing computations gets complicated when seeking to apportion the operating expenses ( Indirect costs ) . The allotment of operating expenses is where the differences in costs come under the three bing methods. In the criterion cost accounting there is no attempt made to track the operating expense costs to the merchandises. It is believed that indirect costs can non be related with the merchandises that ‘s why they are summarised and so allocated to the merchandises based on the given allotment factor ( cost driver ) . In Destin Brass instance, the operating expenses which include the receiving and stuffs managing, packing and transportation, and depreciation and care for $ 680.000 per month, are allocated based on the tally labour dollars. Consequently, every merchandise is allocated a per centum of the operating expenses in the same ratio that the merchandise consume of labor ( valves 0.5 tally hours per unit, pumps 0.5 tally per unit, and flow accountants 0.4 run per unit ) . See table 3 for inside informations. The revised cost accounting makes portion of the indirect costs as direct. The stuff and handling costs are treated in a separate manner, but non the best cost driver had been chosen ( direct stuff dollars ) , as it would be seen in the ABC. Furthermore, setup labor is assigned straight based on the apparatus hours for which information is available. The staying operating expenses are allocated on the footing of machine hours. As mentioned by Peggy Alford, this gives an thought why rivals are cutting monetary values on pumps. It is now clear that costs of the pumps is overstated utilizing the criterion bing method while the costs of the valves are unostentatious. But, bing can be improved particularly that the flow accountants ‘ monetary value is non truly explained that they are cheaper to bring forth than it was calculated by the criterion bing method. The ABC method paths every bit much as possible of the indirect disbursals of the merchandises and services. So any disbursal incurred of a merchandise is straight charged to that peculiar merchandise instead than distributing the disbursal over all the merchandises. When disbursals incurred of a figure of merchandises, they are gathered and allocated based on a proper cost driver. In this manner, the allotment will be done in proportion to the existent costs ingestion by all the merchandises. Table 1 had shown the ABC costs computations for the three merchandises. Now, we can see that flow accountants have been subsidised by pumps and selling them for $ 97.07 is loss devising ( be $ 100.63 ) instead than at 42 % gross border. But, subsidizing flow accountants had made pumps less profitable while selling monetary value of $ 81.26 corresponds to 43.37 % gross border. The costs of the valves are the same under both the criterion and the ABC methods.Strategic deductions of the fiscal an alysisHarmonizing to Bhimani et La ( 2008 ) , extremely competition concern environment requires a comprehensive costs understanding, and a proper costing scheme is indispensable to ease determination doing. In Destin Brass instance, the direction is confronting a determination whether to travel on in the pumps market in malice of the monetary values autumn and decreasing net income borders or to cut this concern line and dressed ore merely on the valves and the flow accountant ‘s merchandises which are profitable. But, doing a determination following the standard costing method would hold caused black effects for the company as it would cut the profitable merchandise and concentrate on merchandises that are selling at a loss. Destin Brass is an ideal illustration of how critical is to hold an accurate bing method to follow to supply strategic determination devising. But, in malice of the importance of the fiscal and accounting information that the bing method will supply, the direction vision should be supported by the information non merely dictated by the accounting information.The following month consequencesIn the clip where cost accounting does non count for the cost allotment to find the costs of the merchandises, it does non impact the bottom line. Here, presuming that the measures of the productions and the gross revenues, stock list, selling monetary values stay the same, and the monetary values of stuff, labor, managing remains the same. The net net income would be the same as the net net income of the last month. The bottom line will be affected in instance the consequences demoing in the ABC method are considered and the merchandising monetary values are adjusted.DecisionThe costing methods used to place the strengths and failing of the concern public presentation helps direction to make up one's mind whether operations require any betterments. This indicates that the inaccurate costing allotment can take to either over or under pricing. Con sequently, this will forestall the direction from taking the company to do higher net income, retain clients or take the company to wrong strategic determinations.

Some Interpretations Have Portrayed Tragic Heroines

Some Interpretations Have Portrayed Tragic Heroines as Manipulative Plotters Driven by Passionate Desires. Others Have Seen the Tragic Women as Victims of Powerful Individuals or Society as a Whole. Bearing in Mind By Troubleshoots Gertrude is a very minute character in Hamlet, yet the same cannot be said about her impact on the action of the play. Certain audiences view Gertrude in different ways, some sympathies with her as a character, and see her actions as empowering towards women as a whole, letting loose of the social conventions of the Shakespearian era, in addition to being a caring mother.However, I feel there are two options that can be seen here concerning Gertrude as a person, and neither of them are positive, as the only two plausible ways in which her character can be based on is a manipulative plotter, or one who is simply invested in her own ignorance. Considering her lack of concern for the social conventions of the time, alongside poor ways of dealing with an unsta ble son, it is my personal opinion that Shakespeare intended Gertrude to be seen as a manipulative plotter, rather than a woman who epitomized a tragic heroine.To begin assessing how much of a tragic heroine Gertrude really was, it is imperative o assess the tragic conventions of the time. ‘A hero must fall from fortune and power, with a tragic flaw allowing the reader to empathic with the character' (Aristotle 335 BCC) In addition to this, Shakespearean tragic conventions also suggest that a tragic heroine must show promise of further greatness and possess a character trait that would normally be a virtue, but under the circumstances of the play become a flaw.On the surface my repudiation of Gertrude as anything other than a manipulative plotter may seem a brash claim; at least it does until we are met with the way she infernos Claudia in Act 2 Scene 2. Her line thanks Guilelessness, and gentle Restaurants' (2:2:34) is used either to correct what Claudia said Just before her, or is simply her mistaking between Restaurants and Guilelessness.I think it is obvious that it is merely Gertrude correcting Claudia, as if the line were meant to be said with indecision, Shakespeare would have most likely used a question mark in the speech in order to highlight that Gertrude was meant to say the line with a certain amount of uncertainty. This shows that whilst the nature of the line may have been unsorted as one that was merely of her own confusion, I maintain the claim that it is far more likely that Shakespeare intended for this to be an indication of Gertrude out for – one who is devious, scheming and willing to plot.Considering that the social conventions of the time dictated that women were to be inferior to men, the idea of correcting a man without even a hint of uncertainty portrays to a Shakespearian audience an ignorance of social values; in my opinion this is used as a subtle hint early on to make the audience know that this is a character to watc h out for, as her expedient nature percolates and promulgates itself to the audience throughout the rest of the play.Whilst it may be conceded that a modern audience would see Gertrude in a less damning way, we cannot ignore the fact that this wildly contradicts the idea of a tragic heroine being one that the audience can empathic with, nor does it show any evidence of her having a virtue which would turn out to be a flaw.Gertrude moral turpitude is pumped at relentlessly throughout the play, and is shown further in Act 2 Scene 2, where Gertrude is shown without ambiguity or doubt hat she is aware of Hamlet's grief ‘l doubt [Hamlet's upset] is no other but the main: His father's death and our detracts marriage' (2:2:56), dispelling any possible nature that Gertrude does not know what is wrong with Hamlet.Despite this, she makes no effort to console Hamlet, and merely accepts the very brief Well, we shall sift him' reply that is given by Claudia. This meaner one of two things: that she is unable to think or speak for herself, or able to speak up but unwilling. Considering that she had already corrected Claudia earlier in the play, it thus follows that this line was not en that showed her as a victim of powerful individuals as she has already proven earlier that she is not a mindless sycophant.When we are to consider that her son has been horrifically upset to the point where he is bordering on insanity, and the reason for this is because of Gertrude marriage to his brother only two weeks after the death of his father (for whom he had the greatest admiration) yet still felt no need to console him, I would argue that by her inaction what she did was indicative of a manipulative plotter.Not only this, but her status as a tragic heroine is dispelled, s simply allowing one's own flesh and blood to suffer is the direct antithesis of what it meaner to be a tragic heroine: ‘a character which allows the audience to empathic with them'. I feel that this is st rong evidence for her status as a manipulative plotter. It is not only in Gertrude treatment of Hamlet that her manipulation is evident, but in her behavior towards other characters. The Queen's hostility towards Aphelia initially appears through sophisticated strategies of aggression, but the increasing dangers force stronger defenses. Whether resulting from physical action or ethical taxation, the Queen is culpable in the death of Aphelia† (Lobber, Harmonic 2004) The quote above suggests motives for Gertrude in killing Aphelia, and thus truly securing her status as a manipulative plotter, and one completely incapable of fitting the definition for a tragic heroine.Of course, interpretation of Gertrude is a difficult thing, and a large part of this is due to Shakespeare giving Gertrude very few spoken lines during the play, yet this does seem odd considering that her role is so crucial to Hamlet's suffering. So why does Shakespeare do this? Personally, I feel her infrequent ap pearances, yet essential role are placed within the play in order to create a sense of suspicion about Gertrude, to keep the audience wondering about where Gertrude be said that this quote is not enough to completely condemn Gertrude.However, when all the evidence piles up, Shakespeare creates a special bond between Aphelia and Gertrude, particularly when we look at the following interpretation â€Å"the language of flowers creates a relationship that in effect places them in close proximity' (Radcliff, S – 1998) which again implies that Shakespeare purposely rated closeness between these two in this scene for a purpose, and I feel that in creating this bond Shakespeare was effectively offering Gertrude a chance to be seen as a tragic heroine, yet we know that at the very least she was passive or unable, both of which contradict the supposed nobility of a tragic heroine.That said, I think that the closeness created by Shakespeare was to show that Gertrude actually did have t he chance to save Aphelia, and if he had not used the language of flowers in such a way, it would have shown Gertrude inability rather than her nature as a manipulative plotter.This is supported by the fact that Gertrude ‘kills' Aphelia from the play, and whilst I realize it is completely impossible to prove the speculations about off-stage events, she does in fact ‘kill her' off from the play, as she is the one who reveals her death, making it far too coincidental for it to be unintentional, and in my opinion the most obvious interpretation seems to me that Gertrude is meant to be seen as a manipulative plotter.In conclusion, I do feel that Shakespeare intended Gertrude to be a manipulative plotter, as every possible moment of niceness she portrays within the play, in my pinion can be countered with at least an equally good reason as to why she could have done so in a meticulously fetid way. Even when we consider her name ‘Gertrude', the sounds of the g and the â €˜r' are harsh sounding, and this could well have been done in order to create an immediately disliked and nasty character.Her ignorance is a possible interpretation, but upon further exploration of her lines we have discovered that she is aware of why Hamlet is upset, and yet still chooses to take no act to relieve this. We have seen compelling evidence from other critics to suggest her involvement in Aphelion's death, combined with several remarks that come off as at the very least petty, if not malicious, in addition to the chances she has to make a big difference in the play, yet seems either incompetent or scheming.

Leaving Home

My brother, Ricky, sister, Amrit and I had only found out a week before, that we were just about to be whisked away to a foreign country we hadn't set in for seven years, and seven years before that. We would be staying there for a whole month, so as you can imagine, we were taken aback, yet somewhat sceptic, as we'd always heard our parents mentioning a trip to India for a few months, but never actually believed they would go to the bother of booking the tickets. After all, my mother had only taken my now 5-year-old sister to see her family there four years ago. My immediate concern was language. I can read and write my mother tongue, and understand what people are telling me, but wasn't very good at speaking back. I think this pleased my parents, they thought it would be good for us, as they knew we would have to start learning to talk in our mother tongue Punjabi. It wasn't really difficult to prepare for the trip, well not for me anyway. All I had to do was make sure I had a holiday form, homework and suitcase packed. However, my poor parents had to sort out the passports, visas, currency, jabs (ouch) and house security while we were away. I didn't really tell my friends until the last minute, as I was expecting a cancellation, change in plan or even told I'd been set up and it was all a joke. I was actually a little annoyed with my parents for not booking during school holidays, not because I'd miss school, only the workload I'd have to catch up on. But once they explained that they couldn't get a holiday the same time as us, I felt quite sorry for them. When I think back to it, I was actually disappointed that we were going to India, instead of Canada in the summer, which is where I was hoping go, which was no longer possible. India as I last remembered it, was freezing in the morning, and boiling in the afternoon (we went in December), pretty smelly, the people were scared to talk to me and my brother (my sister wasn't born then), and we didn't really want to say anything to them. The thing that disgusted me most about this country was definitely the latrines. I tried not to go to the toilet unless I had a full bladder and was desperate; it was also hard to get toilet paper over there. This time, we prepared ourselves with plenty of rolls before we left. I wasn't very impressed then, but it was also the reason we had gone in the first place, that we didn't feel like enjoying ourselves. It was pretty depressing, as my mother's brother had died in a tractor accident on Diwali, so my mother left England a few weeks before us to go to his funeral. I must admit that I was a little exited, as many of my relatives from Britain had gone a few weeks before us, so we would be meeting them there as well. The flight had been delayed three hours, so I didn't really have a positive attitude when we arrived at the airport. The one thing that thrilled me when we were boarding the plane was that the passengers went on the stairs instead of the corridor, like in the movies, so that we could actually see the plane as we were boarding it. I' m not scared of flying, but I did grow a little nervous as I approached the plane, the paintwork was hand done, the panels looked loose, and generally dirty. I didn't look like it would make it all the way to India. The airhostesses also looked scary. The were from Kyrgystan, the airline company we were travelling with, and spoke in Russian to each other and in a Russian accent to the passengers. I had to strain to understand them properly. They wore thick bright coloured make up, and were always smiling. This had the opposite effect on me than intended, they reminded me of clowns! Inside, the plane was pretty cramped, and during the take off, my ears hurt and I felt sick. Since we were stopping in Turkey for a break, and changing planes in Russia, I had to go through this six times before we even landed in India. On the plane journey, my family were relaxing, listening to music, and reading magazines, but I was working away, struggling to get my homework finished before we reached India, so I could feel free without the stress of having to catch up there. Although we would be so busy I wouldn't even have time. The whole journey lasted two days, the second plane was even worse. Russia is so cold, that there was ice forming inside the plane! It was brilliant when we actually landed in Delhi. The sun was out and the people at the airport were so welcoming. After we came out through customs, we were re-united with my sister's water gun, and mother's almond hair oil, which had been confiscated in Birmingham. I had to laugh. Then we came across a big problem. One of our suitcases was missing. It contained all of my Ricky's clothing. We could claim the contents on insurance, but had to take him shopping for new clothes as soon as possible. I was thirsty, and wanted a drink, but there was one thing that stood in my way, no rupees. While my parents sorted out the lost property forms, l sneaked over to one of the currency exchange bureaus and decided to test the Indian in the office. I got out one pound and put it on the desk. He said, â€Å"is that all? † grinning. I replied,† it's all I've got. † Then he said, â€Å"well only for you then! † I got my sixty-five rupees, and went straight to get a coffee. My mother and I went to the arrivals lounge, where we met my uncle. They were hugging each other, and they all started chatting in Punjabi. The poor man had been waiting for ages, as he hadn't known about the delay, so I went to get the rest of my family. I whispered to my mum â€Å"Mum, he looks nothing like you. † Then she told that he was her cousin, not her brother. We somehow managed to pack everything into the Sumo, which is like a type of jeep or taxi. I was squashed in the back, it was very uncomfortable, but I concentrated on everything around me. There were loads of children coming back from school in their mopeds. Apparently, the timing for our trip had been brilliant for the weather, but our cousins would be taking their exams at this time. In India, the children have to take an exam at the end of every school year; the result of this exam determines whether they will be allowed into the next class. If they fail, they will have to repeat the year. I felt a bit like an intruder when I heard this, because they would have vital work to do, and I would be expecting them to show me around or getting bored. We arrived at the village we would be staying at, Gureh in Ludhiana, Punjab for the next week at around about midnight. I was surprised; could say shocked at the state of the house. The standard was better than the housing in England. The layout is not quite the same, but there was a toilet, a decant shower area, separate bedrooms, and they even had a car. I met my aunt, and my cousin Manjit, who's eighteen years old. He seemed quite shy, and always walked with his head down. His sister who is my age was already gone to sleep. We dumped our bags in our room, and after about an hour, went to sleep. The next day, we got up late and relaxed the whole day. When I met Pardeep, I remembered her from seven years ago straight away. She was pretty cheeky, and sometimes a bit spoilt, but she showed me around the village. I felt ever so conscious of my clothes. I was wearing trousers and a top, but everybody else, in their salwar kameez (type of Indian suit) just smiled. For the next the day of two, we visited relatives from villages that lived near Ludhiana. My uncle drove us. I felt a bit rude, as I didn't remember many of them. One day that week, we took the car ourselves, and I was told I was going to go to Mussayala. This village I could not forget. Last time Ricky and I had great fun chasing after the chickens, feeding the cows the chapattis we refused to eat, running around with our uncles and aunts. They're actually our age, but it's one of the funny age differences that happen a lot in our family tree. At this village lived my great granddad, which gave me something to talk about at home. The only way I can think of to describe Mussayala is that it is one of those ancient forgotten old places in the middle of nowhere. The village had a single toilet, which was sometimes pretty embarrassing. As I thought about how many times we had watched the home video we made from last time, I grew more exited. But when we arrived, in the evening, my â€Å"cousins† acted as if they couldn't figure out who we were. Okay, so maybe my Punjabi wasn't great, but they were so shy. I hoped that this would not carry on. Because my parents had arranged to see an architect about the building on the plot of land for my grandmother. The only architects we knew of were in Chandigardh, the capital of Punjab. I didn't really have any expectations of the city at first, but was very impressed. We got there on the bus, which isn't the best way of travelling in India. We were out in the town, and got to travel in the rickshaws. The roads were a lot cleaner than those in the villages. It was practically like England. We went an actual fast food restaurant, but it didn't sell meat so we just ordered chips and pizza. I wasn't anticipating there would be so many young college students, who wore the same sort of trousers and top I did. I immediately regretted my decision to wear a traditional suit that day. This was the one time I would have felt comfortable in my normal English clothes, and I'd just wasted that chance. The architects had a proper office, and were very professional, not just some back room of a shop, and didn't take long to find. It wasn't a very long meeting, as my parents didn't have enough information about the plot to make a plan. The data had to be really detailed, such as which direction the sun rises. I didn't realise that little things like this affected the construction of a house. We wandered around the centre of the town for a while, and the things I saw made me sure I would have felt comfortable staying here for a few days. But the problem of having too many things to do and too little time to do it in always got in the way. The city is really quite modern and developed; in fact, the whole of the country has really progressed in the last seven years. The shantytowns still lie on the outskirts of the towns, but technology is more advanced and the nation has noticeably prospered. Some people in the farm villages were even walking around with mobile phones. I think that which area of India you see that affects the overall impression. If you compared somewhere like Mussayala to Gureh, you can really see the change. The original plan had been to spend one week in Punjab, two weeks in U. P. where my mums family lived, and go to somewhere like Goa or Bangalore for the remaining week, before heading back towards Delhi. Since we had spent so long in Punjab because of this plot business, this was no longer possible. My dad said that it was silly that we thought we could get everything done in only a month. I was delighted that my cousin Pardeep had holidays and could come to U. P. with us. We really couldn't afford to be lazy the day we were leaving, we got ready early that day, but were still delayed, as the Sumo we had hired had to go back and get a roof rack for all of our luggage. My mum gave the servants some money, and we left with everybody waving goodbye. I was very grateful for their hospitality. This trip took the whole day. Me, Pardeep, Ricky and Amrit sat at the back, parents in the middle and drivers at the front. I just read a magazine, my brother and sister played, and my cousin listened to the Walkman. We stopped off at a few of what would be the equivalent to cafes a few times, bought a supply of crisps and some drink, and went to the latrines while we had the chance. On the route to U. P. , we had to go through a beautiful rural state called Haryana. This is the sort of place where you meet village maids milking cows, there was green grass everywhere and the landscape was beautiful. I had never seen anywhere like it, not even in the Hindi films. On the map, the state was just a small chunk of land. As we came nearer to the heart of U. P. (my mum's family lived south of UP) we saw many women wearing cloths over their heads, there were many more Muslims living here. I also noticed that the signs were written in Hindi. It was annoying, because I couldn't understand what they said, and felt quite ignorant. In Punjab, the main language was Punjabi. Even when the people here spoke Punjabi, they did with a Hindi accent which was difficult to understand fully. I didn't realise that such a change could happen only across states. As it grew dark, we were just approaching the town nearest to my mum's village, Kashipur. We stopped here to buy some bottles of coke. It was here that I began to get exited, we were so near. Pardeep kept telling us how far we were. My mum had already warned me, that most of my cousins my age, would be at their boarding schools, but the younger ones would be here. I was a bit worried, but also enthusiastic. We were all half asleep when we arrived. As we approached the house, I saw a huge a mass of people waiting to welcome us. I never realised I had such a big family. We got out, and everyone was hugging everybody else. It felt good, even if you didn't know who was who. My mum began telling how I was related to everyone else which sometimes got a bit confusing. My older cousins were joking, telling me how they were planning to marry me off some overweight drunk from India. They were also joking about my brother, because he doesn't speak much Punjabi. â€Å"He wouldn't know if we were swearing at him though, would he? He'd just ignore it. † This made me laugh. During the next week, some of cousins came from boarding school for a bit, but there was only one day where everyone was there together, and that was on Ricky's birthday that was celebrated with a couple of party poppers. In the middle of the last week, me and my family, Pardeep, my mum's brother and his son, Jatinder, my mum's sister's daughter, Kuldeep, and my mum's late brother's daughter, Amandeep, who is a bit bratty went on a day trip to Nainital, a village on the foothills of the Himalayas. This is the place my parents visited when they first bought Ricky and me to India. My brother and I of course couldn't remember the place at all, and didn't understand why they were so keen to go back there again. But when we actually got there, we soon found out. We were all crammed into the back of a jeep, and arrived in two and a half hours. During which Jatinder, who was sitting opposite me, flicked nuts at me, tapped me continually and succeeded in annoying me, although he is a year older. Nainital was BRILLIANT. It reminded me of Nepal. The people looked Nepalese and spoke in a Nepalese accent. We even dressed in Nepalese costume and took photos. We went on a few rides, and rode on some horses up the mountains. The view on the ski lift was spectacular, and the scenery of the Himalayas was amazing. Me, Ricky, Jatinder and Pardeep went to on a paddleboat on a large lake for an hour or so. This was tiring, yet relaxing at the same time. It was shortly after this, that we left to go back to UP. I was disappointed when we returned to Delhi for our last night. I didn't miss England at all, not even the tele. There were tears as we left the village. I felt sick at the bottom of my stomach when we waved goodbye. I'd got a little gift for each of my cousins, and made my uncle promise he'd make sure they got them. † See you in four months† I said to him, as we dragged our entire luggage to the x-rays. I knew there wasn't much chance of my parents letting me come back in the summer holidays, even though I told them I was willing to go alone. Apparently, it was so hot, that I wouldn't be able to survive, and would get ill quickly. When Kuldeep asked me when I was coming back, I jokingly told her on her wedding day, though she is only seventeen, but I was surprised when she made keep it as a promise to her. I had picked up many skills throughout the holiday. These include: milking a cow, driving a tractor, making ghee, and insulting somebody in Punjabi, many of which are pretty useless to me in Britain, but it was the experience of learning theses things from my relatives that I treasure. When the plane landed in Britain, I don't think I've ever felt so down. I still want to turn around and go straight back. The weather suited my mood perfectly, it was pouring down. My friends at school and family said there were three things that had changed about me. My skin colour was darker, or as my friend Shona said, â€Å"glowing†. (This sounded much nicer. ) I had also lost a bit of weight, which I have unfortunately regained. I think the change that most people especially my relatives noticed was, that I spoke much nicer Punjabi, and my words flowed better. I think this is because, in England, I could get away with thinking in English, translating the words into the other language, and then letting them out. Whereas in India, you must think sharply and reply quickly, so I had to train my mind to think, as well as speak in Punjabi, which is why it has improved so much. Leaving Home It was the last time I saw my Mother. My grieving pain for my mothers love infinitely grew. She was god in my eyes but was I the god given daughter she had hoped for? Everyday I had run to her absorbing her warmth as I wrapped my long limbs around her waist. The waist that had carried me for nine months, but was I worth the wait? Mother's predictable great force would transfer into my weakened bones forcing me to collapse onto the striped wooden floor. I would land with a thud hoping that the chances of me receiving a hug the next day would increase. Maybe my accidental escape was for the best. Perhaps I was destined for this moment, this was fait in the palms of my hand, waiting for me to reach out and snatch the opportunity. Mother had snatched my rights to live as a normal human being away. It was forbidden for me to even talk to her. I needed permission. I told my self through every breath that everything would end up right, I was right. Rain, rain everywhere. Summer had died out, until next year. Autumn had approached me. My memory remained in the happy days but my solidified body moved on with life. My inner self, deep down, stands proud and fearless to this world creation signed to god. I always believed that if god brings you to it, he will bring you to it. I was eight. I was blessed with the perfect parents. Both their hearts were fulfilled with love and care. Every moment was heavenly. I lived in an averaged sized, 3-bedroom apartment in what was considered ‘normal. ‘ It was good enough for me. The oval shaped window revealed its outer secrets, the growing towers bordered with a beautiful skyline. Father was a man of great expectations. A man of many wise words. His broad shoulders would easily swing me from side to side like a wild hungry lion ripping and swinging his possession; his raw meat. In my case I was the loving prey for my Father, the predator, the bread winner of the family. I was his little princess. Mother was a lady, petite sized with a facial appearance carved from the clouds up above, the clouds in heaven. Mother was a woman who glowed with love for me. Her greatest asset was her silky, black locks that matched her thinly waxed eyebrows which also complimented her brown tan. One day, for the first time every Mother and Father were in their bedroom raving. It wasn't a common sign which usually are positive. I could hear smashing and slamming against the walls. My ears sensed danger. They were noises that I had never heard before. The sense of love that flowed like a river through the air had shattered into broken pieces like corrupted glass which were non-fixable. I could barely make out what was being said. My distraction towards the aromatic spices and herbs from the kitchen flew up my tempted nose. The cuisine had blended with my tears of sadness. I couldn't understand, everything used to be perfect, what could have happened? Before the argument I had thought of Mother's voice as a relaxing tone, music being played from a magical flute that only she could master. Then the tables had turned. My voice seemed as sweet as sugar compared to mothers. Hers was now flat and dull. The lifeless mono-tone wasn't Mother at all. It was as if a Hoover had vacuumed out the energy, the encouragement, the enthusiasm. I thought that the past argument was normal for all married couples until it became a trend. To see physical fighting would be less painful than my pain. It felt as if a needle had attempted to pierce its way through my heart but got stuck leaving never ending pain. The trend became daily. The light ore around both my parents, especially Mother, had faded into the dark shadows. As everyday passed the hatred between the two grew and grew. Mother's once soft, tanned skin mounted with make up for affect had altered to a yellow, pale colour. I preferred Mother without make up but it was far better then seeing Mother like this. She didn't even attempt to make her self look better. You could tell by the way that she lounged around the house that she was too lazy to even care. Mother would sit on the Indian decorated sofas which stood out. The black, long shiny hair had also moved on to knotted tangles. Personally I blame the bottles containing alcohol that Mother used to wash down accompanied with her finger-sized cigarettes. I would watch her drown her sorrows as the booze over took her mind flooding her inner self with this poison. Mother's behavior began to really show. As much as I detested my life I loved it. Half of my heart, the candy half, told me everything would be fine and to carry on loving Mother but the other half, the cold half, would send messages to my brain whispering in my ears for me to leave. To escape! Escape to where though? All the pressure from my parent's constant arguments was too much for me to handle. My sensitive brain was over powered. The repeated parrot phrase ‘leave home' would haunt me in my dreams. Everyday before bed time I would bend my legs, clasp my hands tightly together so pearls of sweat would form. I would pray to god with devotion asking for him to solve my problems. I wished to exit my world of stress and tension. I never gave up. I waited and waited and waited†¦ The day came unexpectedly. With care I would drift pass Mother's negative energy. Deep down my love grew towards Mother no matter what she was. Mother was soft and sweet like gum on the inside but her hardened shell took over on the outside. She was brainwashed. I was always alert of every sharp movement she made, every sligh glance she gave me in the corner of her beady camera eyes, every snarl she would utter under her rotten breath. I quickly limped across the carpet like a sneaky mouse to find my self in front of the powerful door. I called it the ‘deciding door' as it decided weather I should leave the house and never return. On the way I had passed the rose red, ribena stain from when I spilt my glass on the floor. Mother had rescued me from injury. The memories were so fresh in my mind. It was as if it were yesterday. As I opened the door, the invisible wind flew in and out of my ears sending shivers up and down my spine as if an elevator were traveling to different floors. I would stand there shivering, imagining myself in Mothers arms. The whole of my Indian coloured skin would cover in goose bumps, each individual one containing a hair all stood up equal sized looking like they were under commandment in an army. My first step onto the African rug could have been my last. I wished. My long legged limbs would co-operate together so I could travel to where I wished to travel. They were under my instructions. I reached the pavement on the sides of the roads. As the first car lead the rest my heat rotated at a ninety degree angle to the right. No cars in sight. As I reached mid point in the road an internal feeling of sickness approached me. I looked down to find no blood. My consciousness was fading vastly. As I tried to demand my legs to get up they laid there lifelessly. I blinked once, the blue sky. I blinked twice, half the sky. I blinked 3 times, nothing†¦ Leaving Home It was the last time I saw my Mother. My grieving pain for my mothers love infinitely grew. She was god in my eyes but was I the god given daughter she had hoped for? Everyday I had run to her absorbing her warmth as I wrapped my long limbs around her waist. The waist that had carried me for nine months, but was I worth the wait? Mother's predictable great force would transfer into my weakened bones forcing me to collapse onto the striped wooden floor. I would land with a thud hoping that the chances of me receiving a hug the next day would increase. Maybe my accidental escape was for the best. Perhaps I was destined for this moment, this was fait in the palms of my hand, waiting for me to reach out and snatch the opportunity. Mother had snatched my rights to live as a normal human being away. It was forbidden for me to even talk to her. I needed permission. I told my self through every breath that everything would end up right, I was right. Rain, rain everywhere. Summer had died out, until next year. Autumn had approached me. My memory remained in the happy days but my solidified body moved on with life. My inner self, deep down, stands proud and fearless to this world creation signed to god. I always believed that if god brings you to it, he will bring you to it. I was eight. I was blessed with the perfect parents. Both their hearts were fulfilled with love and care. Every moment was heavenly. I lived in an averaged sized, 3-bedroom apartment in what was considered ‘normal. ‘ It was good enough for me. The oval shaped window revealed its outer secrets, the growing towers bordered with a beautiful skyline. Father was a man of great expectations. A man of many wise words. His broad shoulders would easily swing me from side to side like a wild hungry lion ripping and swinging his possession; his raw meat. In my case I was the loving prey for my Father, the predator, the bread winner of the family. I was his little princess. Mother was a lady, petite sized with a facial appearance carved from the clouds up above, the clouds in heaven. Mother was a woman who glowed with love for me. Her greatest asset was her silky, black locks that matched her thinly waxed eyebrows which also complimented her brown tan. One day, for the first time every Mother and Father were in their bedroom raving. It wasn't a common sign which usually are positive. I could hear smashing and slamming against the walls. My ears sensed danger. They were noises that I had never heard before. The sense of love that flowed like a river through the air had shattered into broken pieces like corrupted glass which were non-fixable. I could barely make out what was being said. My distraction towards the aromatic spices and herbs from the kitchen flew up my tempted nose. The cuisine had blended with my tears of sadness. I couldn't understand, everything used to be perfect, what could have happened? Before the argument I had thought of Mother's voice as a relaxing tone, music being played from a magical flute that only she could master. Then the tables had turned. My voice seemed as sweet as sugar compared to mothers. Hers was now flat and dull. The lifeless mono-tone wasn't Mother at all. It was as if a Hoover had vacuumed out the energy, the encouragement, the enthusiasm. I thought that the past argument was normal for all married couples until it became a trend. To see physical fighting would be less painful than my pain. It felt as if a needle had attempted to pierce its way through my heart but got stuck leaving never ending pain. The trend became daily. The light ore around both my parents, especially Mother, had faded into the dark shadows. As everyday passed the hatred between the two grew and grew. Mother's once soft, tanned skin mounted with make up for affect had altered to a yellow, pale colour. I preferred Mother without make up but it was far better then seeing Mother like this. She didn't even attempt to make her self look better. You could tell by the way that she lounged around the house that she was too lazy to even care. Mother would sit on the Indian decorated sofas which stood out. The black, long shiny hair had also moved on to knotted tangles. Personally I blame the bottles containing alcohol that Mother used to wash down accompanied with her finger-sized cigarettes. I would watch her drown her sorrows as the booze over took her mind flooding her inner self with this poison. Mother's behavior began to really show. As much as I detested my life I loved it. Half of my heart, the candy half, told me everything would be fine and to carry on loving Mother but the other half, the cold half, would send messages to my brain whispering in my ears for me to leave. To escape! Escape to where though? All the pressure from my parent's constant arguments was too much for me to handle. My sensitive brain was over powered. The repeated parrot phrase ‘leave home' would haunt me in my dreams. Everyday before bed time I would bend my legs, clasp my hands tightly together so pearls of sweat would form. I would pray to god with devotion asking for him to solve my problems. I wished to exit my world of stress and tension. I never gave up. I waited and waited and waited†¦ The day came unexpectedly. With care I would drift pass Mother's negative energy. Deep down my love grew towards Mother no matter what she was. Mother was soft and sweet like gum on the inside but her hardened shell took over on the outside. She was brainwashed. I was always alert of every sharp movement she made, every sligh glance she gave me in the corner of her beady camera eyes, every snarl she would utter under her rotten breath. I quickly limped across the carpet like a sneaky mouse to find my self in front of the powerful door. I called it the ‘deciding door' as it decided weather I should leave the house and never return. On the way I had passed the rose red, ribena stain from when I spilt my glass on the floor. Mother had rescued me from injury. The memories were so fresh in my mind. It was as if it were yesterday. As I opened the door, the invisible wind flew in and out of my ears sending shivers up and down my spine as if an elevator were traveling to different floors. I would stand there shivering, imagining myself in Mothers arms. The whole of my Indian coloured skin would cover in goose bumps, each individual one containing a hair all stood up equal sized looking like they were under commandment in an army. My first step onto the African rug could have been my last. I wished. My long legged limbs would co-operate together so I could travel to where I wished to travel. They were under my instructions. I reached the pavement on the sides of the roads. As the first car lead the rest my heat rotated at a ninety degree angle to the right. No cars in sight. As I reached mid point in the road an internal feeling of sickness approached me. I looked down to find no blood. My consciousness was fading vastly. As I tried to demand my legs to get up they laid there lifelessly. I blinked once, the blue sky. I blinked twice, half the sky. I blinked 3 times, nothing†¦